Currently Listening Afterglow By Sarah McLachlan Fallen see related

There Doesn't Seem A Way To Be Redeemed

So last night Kurt came over the house for a while. We just stood outside by ourselves most of the time but then Casey and Mitch came down on their way over to Casey's dad's old house. Then Kurt and I decided to leave the driveway and go drive somewhere. Before that, though, something happened that I didn't really get a chance to think about until now.

I burp a lot. Anyone who spends any time with me knows that I burp and that I don't really get embarrassed about it too easily. So last night, I let one out (not a bad one) and Kurt laughs and goes "I feel like I should be sending you to finishing school or something". I laughed at him at the time, but now I'm not so sure that it was that funny. If he was serious about the finishing school thing (the idea of me becoming that kind of girl) then I don't know what to do because I'm not that kind of girl. I'm just me. I can be "proper" and "lady like" but it's not something I am all the time. And does that mean he doesn't like the way that I am normally? So can I not be myself around him? Is that not good enough?

Or am I just over-reacting again? Because that's been known to happen. Maybe I'm just getting too sensitive...that's been known to happen too. There have been some other things that most people would just let roll off but now that I'm thinking about them I can't just let them go. I want to, I want to believe that he isn't trying to change me or anything but I'm just afraid of that happening again.

I'm really a mess...it hasn't even been a month and I'm already freaking out about this. But, I don't know, this just feels so different than anything else...it feels like a lot longer than a month. I don't want the summer to end because I'm afraid that when it does so will we.

Currently Listening Josh Groban By Josh Groban To Where You Are see related

wow...

It's been a long time since I've posted on here. I've been using facebook and myspace more but I've been realizing that I need a place where I can vent and not have certain people see it...and even though this could get back to those people, it's better than the other two

For anyone who doesn't know, I like this guy, Kurt, a lot. Like, a lot a lot. Head over heels, want to see him everyday, am sad when I don't talk to him at least once a day, butterflies in my stomach everytime we're in the same room as each other and even when i just think about him. He's at the CWS. Not in, just at. So i don't get to see him until they're over. Which...is ok...I've accepted it...what I haven't accepted is something a little different...

Casey introduced us. He works with Mitch and used to work with Casey. (She's been really helpful in getting this thing started. And by "this thing" I mean me and Kurt. We're not actually dating, we're just "make-out buddies" I guess. I wish we were more but that's not the point.) She keeps asking me if I'm ok with her and him talking, which I am. Whatever, they knew each other before he knew me so I don't care that they're friends.

I said he's at the CWS. So is Casey. So I'm a little jealous that she gets to spend more time with him then I do. I shouldn't be. But I am. I wish he would at least call me or something. That sounds desperate and needy. But I'd like to talk to him sometime within the next ten days. But that's ok if I don't. It's not like I won't have anything to do.

I work 13 hours tomorrow. And then all day Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday...I don't think I get a day off anytime soon...which sucks...

I'm just tired and stressed and it's not even been a month. I just want to break down and cry and not do anything for a few days. Somebody hug me... : (

woooot

You know why I love Kearney? Well, it's a game. So guess. And I'll tell you if you're close. This could be VERY exciting. Actually, I'm just a big nerd, but that's cool.

-Abbie

i'm falling apart...watch me

Currently Listening Rent (2005 Movie Soundtrack) Another Day see related

No Day But Today

Tomorrow starts my last week in Omaha. It's my last week of work. It's my last week of not stressing about homework for who knows how long. It's my last week to see my friends in a long time. It's my last week to see the guys I've gotten to know so well at Camp Blockbuster until December...or whenever I come home but...

And I'm really kind of sad about it. Not so much leaving, because I'm excited to be going off to school, even if it is three hours away and I don't know any freshmen. I know my RA, I have some cousins who go there, I have a few friends who go there, so it shouldn't be too bad.

No, I'm sad about work. I don't want to leave. I'm really gonna miss the guys there. Well, most of them. Not Ben. I doubt I'll ever miss Ben....*shudder*

But yea, Kevin, Marlon, Cody, Drew, all of them. I helped train Cody, who's gonna help him now? lol. and Marlon and Drew helped train me. Drew's gonna be leaving soon for a new job so I probably won't see him anymore. Kevin leaves in January, so I SHOULD be able to see him at least once before he leaves (after I leave).

And then there's Jon. Who is confusing the hell out of me. And I don't know if it's my stupid "I Wish My Life Was A Movie And Everything Worked Out Exactly How I Want It To" mentality, but he's just been acting differently. My mom says it's because he's sad that I'm leaving. And that could be. I mean, it's a possiblity...but it's different than that, too. Like, just the things he says now are so different.

And yesterday, he gave me a hug. And Jon doesn't hug people. He's told me he doesn't hug people. But he did. I went to clock in and he goes "See, and you were worried you wouldn't see me again" and then hugged me (that side hug thing...you know what it means) and I was just like "woah....jon's hugging me...what do i do?"

and today i was wearing my "abbie girl wonder" shirt and i walked in to talk to him and he read my shirt and goes "abbie girl wonderful" and i know it's stupid and doesn't mean anything but seriously...wonderful? lol gah i'm losing my mind. go ahead, make fun of me and my pathetic hopes and dreams about him...lol just kidding  : )

but what makes it worse is that all my co-workers make fun of me for it. well, not my pathetic hopes and dreams but jon. they make fun of me about jon. there, that makes sense, right? eh...

anyways, yea, they always make comments about how "jon has the hots for abbie" (kevin, marlon, ben) or "when abbie leaves jon's gotta hire another girl named abbie who looks like her" (marlon) or "hey, i'm not the one jon has the hots for" (drew)

seriously now...

and then once ben asked if i liked jon. i told him he was pretty cool. he goes "no, do you LIKE jon?" i was like "i'm gonna go put movies away...he's my manager..." and walked away. marlon and kevin laughed at me when i told them that story.

jeez, this post is terrible...i probably should end it soon and go to bed...i really have to get on the packing thing this week or it'll go by and i won't be ready and i'll scramble around..

leave messages because i like them and if you leave them i'll like you more...and you WANT me to like you more...lol  : )

abbie